The Universal Register

Book Twelve

Time, Gentlemen

2031 to 2032

A photograph of two young men laughing behind the wooden bar of an old dive at night, one fair-haired in white tie, a crimson sash and a beer-soaked apron with his hand on the cord of a brass bell, the other in shirtsleeves and an apron with a cloth on his shoulder, a brass trombone on hooks and a row of framed photographs on the red brick wall behind them, two glasses of whisky and a water jug on the bar, and through the open door a blue night street of empty tables under strings of lights, leading to a church. Crown on the Potomac Time, Gentlemen Book Twelve 2031 to 2032

September 2031. The King has not decided what comes next, so he takes a job behind the bar of Eight Bars, a dive near his old school, and moves into the flat upstairs with Theo Hartigan, who is exactly as bad at it as he is. Everybody knows who he is. Nobody is fooled. Everybody pretends, badly. Every bar asks him for ID, and he has none.

Time, Gentlemen follows a year of pints pulled wrong in fourteen countries: a committee of the Household that writes a manual one disaster at a time, a protection officer at the end of the bar drinking his mistakes, a retired chemistry teacher marking his pints in red pen, a Duke who is lethal at darts, a boy from Gloucestershire judging every pour by video, and a state banquet, at the Emperor's request, in a dive.

Each chapter opens with a short extract from the Universal Register, the encyclopedia of the world the book is set in. The extracts are quoted from the Register as it stands; the chapters show what happened in the rooms it was not in.

Begin reading: Chapter One, Flash → Characters

Part One: The Realm (August and September 2031)

  1. 1 Flash Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 2 The New Inn Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  3. 3 Rule One Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Two: New Albion (September 2031)

  1. 4 Two Languages Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Three: Brunswick and Hanover (October 2031)

  1. 5 Older Beer Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 6 Theodor Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Four: Normandy (October 2031)

  1. 7 The Tide Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Five: Great Britain (November 2031)

  1. 8 Wait. Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 9 Rival Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  3. 10 Fife Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Six: Ireland (November and December 2031)

  1. 11 The Cat Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 12 Lucia Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  3. 13 Two Parts Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  4. 14 The Session Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Seven: New Wessex (January 2032)

  1. 15 Both Halves Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 16 The Letter Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Eight: The River Plate (February 2032)

  1. 17 Bitter Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Nine: South Africa (February 2032)

  1. 18 Three Capitals Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Ten: The Raj (March 2032)

  1. 19 Six Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Eleven: Ireland, Again (March 2032)

  1. 20 Paddy's Day Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Twelve: The West Indies (April 2032)

  1. 21 Red Pen Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 22 Road March Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Thirteen: The Philippines (May 2032)

  1. 23 Nineteen Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 24 Fiesta Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Fourteen: Malaya (May and June 2032)

  1. 25 Two Kings Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 26 Interview Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Fifteen: Sweden (June 2032)

  1. 27 Outranked Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Sixteen: The Realm (June and July 2032)

  1. 28 Leaving Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 29 The Final Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  3. 30 The Draft Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.

Part Seventeen: The State Visit (August 2032)

  1. 31 Notice Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  2. 32 The Emperor's Shift Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  3. 33 Exactness Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  4. 34 Every Landlord Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  5. 35 The Toast Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.
  6. 36 Time, Gentlemen Frederick. Published 4 November 2026.